TheWoWDBThis quest is an obvious reference to World of Warcraft.
Quest
Welcome to the Machine
A World of Warcraft quest in Hillsbrad Foothills. Facts and objectives from the current retail game data.
The highest voted Wowhead comments for this page. They are community notes, not TheWoWDB comments.
despite the lower-level of this quest, it's actually shaping up to be the winner of the "Quest of the year" award, due to it's sheer awesomeness.
in this quest, YOU are the questgiver.
you don't really have to do anything, just sit back and have a few laughs as the hillarious dialog ensues.
basically, you get 3 quests that you gotta give to someone else, just get on the pale skeletal horse next to you, and ta-dah now u're a questgiver (complete with the "!" above your head)
then watch as 3 NPC's (representing 3 stereotypes of players) come to you, and take your quests, once u've given them those quests, you get off the horse, and u're done.
the following dialoge happens with the 3 NPC's
High Executor Darthalia says: Stand tall and proud, <name>. Don't let any of these scrubs give you any trouble. Show them who's boss!
High Executor Darthalia says: I see one coming now! Looks like a real winner. Keep it cool, <name>. Keep it cool.
A level 19 character named Dumass walks in, saying everything in capital letters.
Dumass says: HI! HI! HELP!
Dumass says: HI! HI! HELP!
Dumass says: HI! I'M NEW! BIG WHITE LIGHT CREATURE WITH WINGS MADE ME ALIVE! I SERVE THE BANSHEE QUEEN! YAY!
HELP!
HI!
Maybe you should go take a nap or something. I don't know if I have any work for you.
Dumass says: OK! THANKS! I'LL JUST WAIT HERE WITH YOU! THANKS! OK!
Wait a minute. It looks like something just came up. Yes, right here on this sheet of paper. You need to head southeast to to the Azurelode Mine and report to Captain Keyton. Southeast is that way *you point southeast*.
Dumass says: NORTH! GOT IT! THANKS! BYE! THANKS!
High Executor Darthalia says: These new Forsaken tend to be a little... um... stupid. It usually takes awhile for them to acclimate.
High Executor Darthalia says: Oh great... not this one again. I know this orc. He's got no business being here, but since he's a bottom-feeding pansy he likes to hang around here and prey on the helpless. Don't let him bully you.
The level 80 Kingslayer Orkus of the guild <Red Like My Rage> flies in on his frost wyrm mount, fully equipped with tier 10 gear.
Kingslayer Orkus yells: CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE LOK'TAR IS COOKIN'?
Kingslayer Orkus says: HAH! Looks like you're running out of idiots to put atop this horse, Darthalia. This is the puniest one yet.
Kingslayer Orkus says: What have you got for me today, weakling? Point me to where the Alliance hide and I shall DOMINATE THEM!
Kingslayer Orkus says: I have seen the fall of the Lich King. Creations of the titans have fallen before my mighty axe. When called upon, I alone spearheaded a victory for the Argent Crusade against the beasts of Northrend. Now, I come for the ultimate challenge. What does Hillsbrad Foothills have to offer Kingslayer Orkus?
Um... Apparently there are bloodthirsty worgen running rampant in the south. Maybe you could help with them?
Kingslayer Orkus says: Bloodthirsty you say? Is there any risk of death or dismemberment to me?
None.
Kingslayer Orkus says: Then Orkus WILL DO IT! YES!
Right, thanks. Just go ahead and head south. Far south. Probably off the coast.
Kingslayer Orkus says: Yes, cowardly quest giver, sit atop your pale horse while Orkus brings glory to the Horde! I shall return with a thousand skulls!
High Executor Darthalia says: Here's to hoping he never returns. Maybe he'll drown?
High Executor Darthalia says: Ah, crap. You're on your own with this one, <name>.
Johnny Awesome, a level 20 blood elf, of the <Uber Town> guild rides in on a Celestial Steed and fully equipped with heirlooms.
Johnny Awesome says: Johnny Awesome has arrived, philistine. Present me with your menial tasks so that I may complete them with only mild enthusiasm and most likely a complete disregard for any directions that you provide that are more complicated than what my map is able to display.
Johnny Awesome says: Look at me, peasant. Heirlooms cover my body from head to toe, gifted to me by the greatest heroes Azeroth has ever known.
Now look at yourself.
Quickly, look back at me.
Yes, this IS horse made of STARS.
What pointless series of tasks befitting a mentally deficient orc have you prepared for me?
Well, we are having some problems at the Sludge Fields, located northeast of here. Warden Stillwater could use your help.
Johnny Awesome says: Fine, fine, what else?
That's all.
Johnny Awesome says: That's all? One quest? Surely you jest. Are there not bear asses to collect? Perhaps a rare flower that I could pick from which you will make some mildly hallucinogenic tonic which you will then drink, resulting in visions of a great apocalypse? Perhaps the local populace of mildly annoying, ill-tempered gophers are acting up and need to be brought to justice? No? Nothing?
THAT'S ALL, JOHNNY AWESOME. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!
Johnny Awesome says: I will do this ONE thing that you ask of me, quest giver. Pray I find more menial tasks to accomplish or you will be hearing from me again and I assure you that my commentary on forums of public opinion will be most unkind.is obvious that the 3 NPCs represent 3 THICK stereotypes of players, with dumass representing the n00b idiots who don't pay atention to any simple instructions and say all in caps, Orkus represents the elitist player who somehow belives to be superior to the rest due to his or her acomplishments, yet frowns on taking an actual challenge, and prefer to display bravado by killing stuff that is in no way a real danger to them.
Johnny Awesome is....... urg I better not start xD
after this rather hillarius dialog, just dismount from the horse, turn your quest in, and with this your days doing "desk jobs" are over, it's just so much easier to build and lead a 25man raid than put up with the diferent kinds of players as a quest-giver isn't it?
this quest is full of references, for example the quest name and the opening sentence of the quest refers to the songs "Welcome to the Machine" and "Have a Cigar" by Pink Floyd respectively.
and the "Now look at yourself. Quickly, look back at me. Yes, this IS horse made of STARS." quote by Johnny Awesome is a reference to an Old Spice commercial.
Kudos to blizzard for making what is arguably the most memorable quest in online gaming.
Edit: Typos, and also added the full dialog
Why do horde get all the cool quests?... erm I mean: Why do horde get to give out all the cool quests?
Quest facts
LevelLevel 7-30
Quest ID28096
Check whether you have already completed this quest
in-game: /run print(C_QuestLog.IsQuestFlaggedCompleted(28096))
Requirements
FactionHorde only
Read from the Blizzard quest API.
What to do
StorylineHillsbrad Foothills, step 1 of 39
RewardsQuest Giver's Pauldrons, 
Cue Cue Gloves, 
Portable Lap Desk, 4,100 XP
Quest Giver's Pauldrons, Cue Cue Gloves, Portable Lap Desk, 4,100 XPDescription
Come in here dear boy, have a cigar. You're gonna go far and fly high as a ranking officer of the Forsaken. Yes, indeed, this is the good life and you are going to live it! I want you to take these orders and dispense them to the lowly scrubs that come along looking for work. Who you give what to is wholly at your discretion. When you're ready, mount up on my trusty skeletal steed - so they don't miss you - and start living the life! Which means just stand there and wait.
Where to go
Pins are the quest’s own POI points from the current retail client, projected onto the in-game zone map. The game marks one blob as the quest’s turn-in; the rest are objective areas. Points that fall outside a map’s window are dropped rather than guessed at.
Turn-inObjective areaIn-game waypoint: /way #25 29.2 63.3
Coordinates
- Turn-inHillsbrad Foothills 29.2, 63.3
/way #25 29.2 63.3 - Objective areaHillsbrad Foothills 29.4, 63.4
/way #25 29.4 63.4
Map coordinates of the pins above. An area the client draws as a shape is given by the centre of its points.
Nearby on the Hillsbrad Foothills map
- An Unexpected Message about 840 yards
- The Path of Atonement about 850 yards
- Honor the Flame about 1,310 yards
- Clearing the Highlands about 2,050 yards
- Alina's Reward about 2,060 yards
Quests whose map markers the client places closest to this one on Hillsbrad Foothills, nearest first. Distances are straight lines between the markers.
Getting there
Horde flight points closest to the quest’s turn-in marker on Hillsbrad Foothills:
- Southpoint Gate, Hillsbrad
- 12.1 Ulatek - Faction Feature - Temple - Traversal - Flight Master - Eastern Entrance (HCR)
- Amani Foothold
Straight-line distances in yards between the quest’s own map markers (QuestPOI) and the client’s flight-point positions (TaxiNodes); flight paths and terrain are not modelled.
Community notes from Wowhead · 184 comments
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Choose one of these rewards:
Experience4,100 XP
ReputationUndercity +250
Other quests on the Hillsbrad Foothills map
Reward details
Pick one of these
TypePlate Shoulder
Item level12
BindingBinds when picked up
Armor11
Stats+2 Strength or Intellect, +4 Stamina
Suited toHoly, Unholy, Protection, Retribution, Arms, Fury, Blood, Frost
Sells to vendors for8 silver82 copper
TypeLeather Hands
Item level12
BindingBinds when picked up
Armor4
Stats+2 Agility or Intellect, +4 Stamina
Suited toBalance, Restoration, Mistweaver, Devourer, Vengeance, Feral, Guardian, Brewmaster, Subtlety, Outlaw, Assassination, Havoc, Windwalker
Sells to vendors for5 silver73 copper
TypeShield Shield
Item level12
BindingBinds when picked up
Armor46
Stats+2 Strength, +3 Stamina, +5 Intellect
Suited toRestoration, Elemental, Holy, Protection
Sells to vendors for10 silver70 copper
TypeMail Hands
Item level12
BindingBinds when picked up
Armor6
Stats+2 Agility or Intellect, +4 Stamina
Suited toElemental, Restoration, Devastation, Preservation, Augmentation, Marksmanship, Beast Mastery, Survival, Enhancement
Sells to vendors for5 silver85 copper
Reputation: Undercity +250
Led by Sylvanas Windrunner, the Forsaken have joined a tenuous alliance with the Horde and established this capital in the vast depths under the Ruins of Lordaeron.
Reputation group: Horde.
Other quests in Hillsbrad Foothills that reward Undercity reputation: Empire of Dirt (+250), Warchief's Command: Hillsbrad Foothills! (+250), Trouble at Azurelode (+10), Glorious Harvest (+250), Past Their Prime (+350), Human Infestation (+250).
Item facts are the current retail client’s (ItemSparse); the specialisations for a pick-one item are the ones the Blizzard quest API lists; faction and currency text is the client’s own. Lowest listed price = the US commodity auction house now.
Storyline
Hillsbrad Foothills
Part 1 of 39.
Next: Human Infestation
- 1Welcome to the Machine
- 2Human Infestation
- 3Thieving Little Monsters!
- 4Coastal Delicacies!
- 5Deep Mine Rescue
- 6No One Here Gets Out Alive
- 7Discretion is Key
- 8For Science!
- 9The Battle for Hillsbrad
- 10A Lost Lad
- 11Freedom for Lydon
- 12Protocol
Showing steps 1 to 12 of 39.
Storyline order is the client’s own QuestLine data from the current retail build.
Where this quest fits
After this quest
Taken from the storyline's own step order.
- Human Infestation
This mine was once the heart of Alliance mining operations in Hillsbrad. It now serves as a breeding ground for our loyal spiders, though, the humans still occupy it - in a way. <Keyton grins.> But onto business! Warden Stillwater has called for more workers at the Sludge Fields.
Quests that require this one
The storyline at a glance
Hillsbrad Foothills has 39 steps, from Welcome to the Machine to Extinction.
Maps its steps are placed on (steps per map): Hillsbrad Foothills (39).
Steps of this storyline count toward:
Other storylines on the Hillsbrad Foothills map
- Arathi Highlands
- Felo'melorn
Steps, storylines and map placement from the client’s QuestLine, prerequisite and QuestPOI data; neighbouring quest text is Blizzard’s own (quest API), shortened to its opening sentences.